Divorce is the formal and permanent termination of the bond of Holy Matrimony, a grave event never meant to happen, for “what God has joined together, let no one tear apart” (Mat 19:6). Therefore, God speaks thus: “Has not the one God made and sustained for us the spirit of life? And what does he desire? Godly offspring. So, take heed to yourselves, and let none be faithless to the wife of his youth. ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel… ‘so take heed to yourselves, and do not be faithless’” (Mal 2:14–16).
Yet, even as the fall of a once faithful member of the Body of Christ is ‘unthinkable’ and yet does occur (Heb 6:4–6), so also the sacred bond of marriage can, tragically, be destroyed.
The Lord’s teaching on divorce is this:
Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity (porneia), and marries another, commits adultery. (Mat 19:8–9)
Even in the case of unchastity, the wronged spouse always has the option to forgive, as the book of Hosea illustrates; the one who has been wronged, while free to seek divorce, should seriously consider forgoing or postponing it, in the hope of the other’s repentance: “the husband should take back the sinner who has repented, but not repeatedly, for there is but one repentance for the servants of God. Lest the divorced wife repent, the husband should not marry another after his wife has been put away. In this matter, man and woman are to be treated in exactly the same way” (Shepherd of Hermas, Mandate 4).
Moreover, the spouse who did not commit adultery may not be entirely ‘innocent,’ but may have contributed to the destruction of the marital bond, as both Scripture and tradition recognize: “Do not deprive one another except perhaps by consent and for a season, so that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. Then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1Co 7:5–6; see Q359).
The Fathers, and consequently the Churches, have always regarded divorce, even on legitimate grounds, followed by a second marriage as a failure of faith, hope, and love, calling for penance. Hence, the rite of second marriage is a penitential rite, and the process by which a bishop grants permission for such a marriage is a strict one. By the same condescension, the Church may in exceptional cases bless a third marriage, always by the penitential rite; a fourth marriage is forbidden (Tomos of Union, 920; Romanian Catechism, Hope, Q214–Q216).
A recent authoritative statement sets forth the position thus:
The Church insists that spouses should remain faithful for life, and that Orthodox marriage is indissoluble, on the basis of the words of the Lord… Divorce is denounced by the Church as sin, for it brings grave spiritual suffering to the spouses, and especially to children… The Lord pointed to adultery as the only permissible ground for divorce, for it defiles the sanctity of marriage and breaks the bond of matrimonial faithfulness… The Church sees it as her pastoral task to use all appropriate means (exhortation, prayer, participation in the Mysteries) to safeguard the integrity of a marriage and prevent divorce… In her desire to save sinners, the Church gives them the opportunity to reform, and is ready to readmit them to the Mysteries after repentance… The Church does not at all approve of a second marriage; nevertheless, after a legitimate church divorce, a second marriage is allowed to the innocent spouse according to canon law; those whose first marriage was dissolved through their own fault may enter a second marriage only after repentance and the penance imposed in accordance with the canons (Basis of the Social Concept of the Russian Orthodox Church, X.3).
Separation, however, is not divorce. Where the life, health, or safety of a spouse or of the children is in danger, the Church counsels separation as the lesser evil (cf. 1Co 7:10–11), and no one is bound to remain under the same roof with violence or abuse; the pastor’s first duty in such cases is the protection of the vulnerable.
